How not to miss his second marriage

At first glance, one might think that second marriages are more successful than the first. It would be the height does not take advantage of past experience, mistakes and blunders that we became aware of the coming age that made us more mature, wiser. Unfortunately, statistics sweep this optimism. Questions: Do we ever made progress? People who divorce are they a separate tribe doomed to failure?

If it's still a large majority sailing towards the silver anniversary, a troubling question remains: why is it more difficult the second time? The first explanation is mechanical. According to Sylvie Cadolle, author of a study on blended families (Parent Being be stepparent, the restructuring of the family (Odile Jacob)), "the second marriages are faced with new problems. More importantly, they involve people who have ended a union unsatisfactory, possibly ready to start. "

Everything reminds that there was a prior

Because of the suffering in the first separation, the deep wound of failure. Couples convolent again carry with them the hope that this time will be right. One way to fix and prove that they too can experience the marital bliss. The crux of the matter is summarized by William Doherty, a specialist in torque at the University of Minnesota. "Partners are entering their second marriage with the same stupid in the first enthusiasm, but in charge of his burden. "The past, this is the troublemaker reconvoler undisturbed. Housing, friends, family, furniture, souvenirs ... Everything reminds that there was a "before." Marianne, fifties, admits: "Stéphane does not admit that I have lived before him. I find it hard to give up on people who are important in my life. Luckily I did not have any child of my first husband, jealousy, the second would have been unmanageable. "

Another stumbling block possible: love life. If sexologist Gilbert Tordjman believes that "experience plays in sexual matters, especially for women," it remains the memory of the other can haunt like a ghost, the moments of intimacy. "In the marriage bed, it is often the husband, the wife, the former husband and the former wife. "An overloaded layer! Jean-François, father of three children, his widow remarried quickly after twelve years ago, says: "You do not forget someone with whom you have lived fifteen years. Christiane, my companion, think about it. It refers to the way I have been with my wife. I rather like to think of images, memories, I do not compare. "

"Saboteurs" children?

Children can play the role of "saboteurs" as they are called Dr. Robert Neuburger, couples therapist. Because the child, destabilized by the separation of his parents, shines against the new stepfather or new stepmother, riding his father against his mother or vice versa for personal gain. At least initially, delicate period where you have developed a sense of diplomacy to hold good.

Evidence that the presence of children makes things more complicated, second marriages without children are more in shock. Add to that, as the sociologist Didier Le Gall, the lack of institutionalization of stepfamilies: "There is no word to name a stepfather or stepmother, the respective roles and tasks of adult screw -à-vis children bathed in soft focus. "What fuel conflict dinner.